5 Tips to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace
Recording in the same room for once — a rare treat — Vonda and Lori revisit a topic that came up in back-to-back member meetings the week before: conflict on the team. Coming off a busy Valentine's season, shop owners were calling it "drama," but whatever the label, it's the same thing. Conflict in the workplace is inevitable, and this replay of one of the podcast's most-requested episodes is just as relevant now as when it first aired.
Why this matters more than you think
Lori opens with some sobering numbers from the Edelman Trust Barometer: only 65% of people trust the company they work for, and that drops to 48% among non-executive employees. Even more telling, only 26% of employees believe their boss adequately handles office conflicts and workplace disputes. Now think about how many flower shops have brought on new hires in the last two years — new personalities mixing with seasoned employees, and an owner that only about half of them fully trust. One member shop found a blunt shortcut: when COVID forced everyone out for a while, they only invited back the people who didn't cause drama. Most owners are intuitive enough to know exactly who their igniters are.
The five types of workplace conflict
Before you can resolve conflict, it helps to know what's causing it. The hosts walk through five common sources. First, interdependent conflict — when your work depends on someone else doing their part your way, like the designer who gets frustrated because the corsage setups weren't prepped the way she likes. (Vonda admits it: the outcome was the same, so the issue was hers.) Second, differences in style — Lori learned to make a bow three different ways from Vonda, Julie, and Ellie, and the finished bows looked identical. Third, differences in background, gender, and culture — we're all raised differently, so we see things differently. Fourth, differences in leadership style — employees who aren't comfortable with how a manager leads will butt heads with them. And fifth, the big one underneath them all: different personalities. You're not going to be best friends with everybody, and you don't have to be.
Five rules for resolving it
Rule one: don't try to be right. The goal isn't to figure out who started it — it's to solve the conflict. Leave your ego behind, and watch your tone. Lori shares a trick from her teaching days: think of Winnie the Pooh. He's calm, even-keeled, never overly excited — what educators call low expressed emotion. The more elevated the other person gets, the more Pooh you need to be.
Rule two: it's going to be awkward — do it anyway. Discomfort is exactly why so many owners avoid the conversation. But if the leader ignores a conflict, the two people involved start recruiting the rest of the staff to their sides, and suddenly the whole shop is toxic.
Rule three: check your assumptions. Even when your gut is right about who instigated it, don't lead with that — employees feel the vibe when you've already picked a side. Keep an open mind and stick to facts: who was supposed to deliver the flowers, where did the wires get crossed? Lori's cheerleading-coach story is the model: she put two feuding girls in a room, stayed neutral, gave them parameters, and told them to come back when they had a solution. It took fifteen minutes.
Rule four: the more you run, the bigger the problem becomes. Unaddressed problems grow, and the longer they go, the harder the conversation gets — and the more likely a good employee walks out thinking, "if this person can't deal with it, I don't want to be here." Vonda's practical approach: take each person aside one at a time, calmly ask what's really bothering them, and deal with it as close to when it appears as possible.
Rule five: confrontation is healthy and normal. Unresolved anger releases cortisol, which drives stress, fatigue, migraines, blood pressure — you have to get it out. A midday bike ride, a walk, anything that clears your head. And if you've typed an angry email, do what Lori does: send it to a trusted colleague first, because tomorrow you'll probably be glad you didn't hit send.
One more thing: know your neutral person
If sitting in the middle of conflict is truly outside your element, identify the person on your team who can maintain complete neutrality and genuinely wants to hear both sides — that's what makes employees feel safe. And consider sharing this episode with your staff. It signals that you're trying, and it helps get everyone on the same page about the culture you want in your shop.
Key takeaways
- The goal of conflict resolution is solving the problem, not deciding who was right — leave your ego at the door.
- Address conflict as close to when it appears as possible; unaddressed problems only grow and poison the whole team.
- Stay neutral and stick to facts, even when your gut has already picked a side.
- A real resolution is a compromise: both people should walk away feeling they gave a little.
- Confrontation handled calmly is healthy — bottled-up anger costs you in stress, health, and staff turnover.