How do you Handle Employee Conflict in the Workspace?
This week's topic came straight from a listener: Jen at Tilly's texted Lori asking about employee conflict — not the usual "how does the owner fix it" angle, but whether you can empower employees to resolve conflict themselves. Lori went looking for research and found surprisingly little, so she and Vonda did what they do best: mined their own decades of experience, from Vonda's years running a flower shop to Lori's years managing what she calls very hormonal humans as a teacher and cheerleading coach. (Her old method — locking three feuding cheerleaders in a classroom with orders not to come out until it was resolved — worked every time, even if she admits it probably wouldn't fly today.)
Plays well with others
Lori's theory on why conflict skills are scarcer starts with an old report card line: "plays well with others." Her mother taught kindergarten for almost 40 years, and in that little schoolhouse the curriculum was pretend time, group play, taking turns — kids learning to negotiate. Fast forward to her own son's kindergarten year in 2005, when the pressure was already on reading proficiency instead. She's a huge school advocate, but wonders if we've traded away the practice time kids used to get at working things out — and shop owners are now hiring the result.
Know your triggers, and find the clean shoes
Vonda remembers the classic shop-floor version of conflict: the undercurrent. Call her Picky Pam — the fast designer who watched everyone else, compared constantly, and got critical about things that weren't her responsibility. The first tool for any employee in that spot is self-awareness: when a co-worker suddenly irritates you, ask why that triggered you. Naming your triggers is almost self-soothing — most of the time, it's not your problem to carry.
The second tool is Lori's classroom secret: find something good in every single person, because it's there if you look hard enough. She once had a student whose only redeeming feature she could locate was that his shoes were always clean — so that's what she focused on, every time he made her grit her teeth. Her advice to owners: make this a stated non-negotiable at your staff meeting. "I wouldn't have hired any of you if I couldn't find something great in you — and on the days a co-worker makes you crazy, go find their clean shoes."
Listen for the silence
How does an owner know conflict is brewing when nobody says a word? Vonda's tells: a back room that's gone totally quiet, clipped one-word answers instead of conversation, and a tone on customer calls that doesn't sound quite right. Sometimes it's what you're not hearing. When she sensed it, she'd bring employees in one by one — upbeat, not disciplinary — and open communication. The temptation is to retreat to the office and shut the door on the awkward silence, but productivity and customer service both sink while the elephant wanders the design room.
"Why is this even bothering me?"
The single best question the hosts landed on for employees in conflict: why is this bothering me? Often the aggrieved party is mad about something that only actually affects the owner — like a co-worker's speed. And the playing field is rarely as even as employees assume: Picky Pam may be paid more precisely because of her productivity, while the newer designer is still ramping up. Comparison is destructive; be a team player, and otherwise worry about yourself.
When quality genuinely is slipping, Lori lays out the two-step script: first, offer help kindly — "Want some tips? I'd love to help." If the offer is refused, take one calm heads-up to the manager — not tattling, just quality control — and then release it. You saw it, you offered, you escalated once; the authority takes it from there. Vonda adds the catch: that offer only lands if the relationship started well, which is why introducing mentors and expectations on day one matters so much.
When the same name keeps coming up
And what about the employee who's the constant variable in every conflict? Vonda lived it: one of her very best workers — fast designer, great on the phone, wonderful with customers — was condescending to everyone behind the counter, to the point that co-workers refused to work her shifts. Vonda observed, documented specifics, and had the conversation three times. First came denial; by the third, the employee shrugged: "That's just the way I am." So Vonda let her go — and the employee was genuinely shocked, certain she was too valuable to lose. What happened next is the part every fearful owner needs to hear: the three remaining designers rose to the occasion, worked harder, and accelerated. A Flower Clique member who faced the same decision right before Valentine's Day had the identical experience — her team rallied, stayed late all week, and called it an answer to prayer.
Vonda's bottom line: if you dread walking into your own flower shop because of one person, that person needs to go. It's your place, not theirs.
Key takeaways
- Teach employees to ask "why is this bothering me?" — most conflict is comparison over things that aren't their problem.
- Make "find something good in every co-worker" a stated non-negotiable of your shop culture.
- Watch for the undercurrent: silence, short answers, and off tone are conflict's early warnings — address them one-on-one, not from behind a closed office door.
- Equip employees with the two-step script: offer help kindly, then escalate once and let it go.
- No employee is too talented to keep if they poison the room — and your team will likely rise once they're gone.