The Power of Positive Affirmations and Why They Work
Telling yourself "I am enough" in the bathroom mirror might sound like something you'd giggle through — and plenty of flower shop employees have. But this week Vonda and Lori bring receipts: actual scientific research, complete with MRI scans, showing that affirmations change what happens in your brain. What started as Lori's early-morning reading rabbit hole turned into a full episode on how affirmations really work, why most of us do them wrong, and how to use them as a shop owner, a leader, and a human.
Affirmations are your core values, said out loud
Lori's research began innocently enough — she wanted a fun daily affirmation on a post-it note for an upcoming Flower Clique work trip. Two hours of article-hopping later, she'd found something better: a working definition. An affirmation isn't wishful thinking; it's a statement of your core values. Looking in the mirror and declaring yourself the most beautiful person in the world isn't an affirmation — it's a lie your brain rejects. But "you are going to be a blessing to someone today"? That Lori can believe, because blessing the people around her genuinely is a core value.
That leads to the number-one rule the hosts kept coming back to: don't lie to yourself. Affirmations only work when they're realistic and rooted in what you actually believe. As Lori admitted, that one rule alone rewrote her whole list — and maybe explains why the old ones weren't working.
The science: this isn't just positive thinking
The study Lori found (published at PNAS.org) had psychiatrists testing self-affirmation across very different situations — students needing academic intervention, plus obesity and addiction scenarios. Using MRI scans, they found the same result every time: people who did self-affirmation first were far more receptive to the intervention than people who got the intervention alone. In other words, affirming yourself literally changes how your brain receives hard feedback.
And like empathy — a skill guest Nicole Price taught the hosts can be learned — this can be taught too. But it starts with you as the leader. You have to be able to affirm yourself before you can use it with your team.
How this changes hard conversations with your team
Here's where it gets practical for shop owners. How someone sees themselves is directly correlated with how they receive information — feedback, criticism, coaching. So before a tough conversation, start by speaking to the employee's core values, not with a generic compliment sandwich.
Say you have a talented designer whose productivity is slipping. Open with what's true and what matters to them: "You've been passionate about flowers your whole life, and you're a great designer." Then lead into the issue. Or the employee who's chronically late because of family obligations: "I know how much you love your family and how dedicated you are to them. But it's affecting us here at work, and I need you in on time." Affirm what they value first, and their defenses stay down long enough for the real message to land.
Affirmations worth stealing
Vonda and Lori worked through their favorites from the research — and they map beautifully onto flower shop life:
- "I am enough. I am ridiculously enough." Lori's favorite, and the simplest — nearly everyone can use this one honestly.
- "Creative energy flows to me and through me." Perfect for designers, who both draw energy from the people around them and give it back.
- "You've done this in the past, you can do it now." For your 37th Valentine's week, for Mother's Day prep, for the spreadsheet and COGS tracking you dread — and for the genuinely hard things, like letting an employee go.
- "Get it done and move on." The Vonda affirmation, as Lori put it. You don't have to like the task; you just have to finish it and feel the relief.
- "Do it today, not tomorrow." Because tomorrow becomes the next day, and the next.
- "So what?" Someone said something unkind? There are a million blogs on your topic already? So what. Move on.
- "Almost there." Vonda used this one at 11 p.m. on Valentine's all-nighters; it works for any daunting project you're tempted to abandon.
One more the hosts loved: remind yourself to enjoy the process. When the delivery driver doesn't show and you're short-staffed, it's easy to forget you built this business because you love this industry. You don't have to love every moment — but you can stay connected to why you're here.
Key takeaways
- Don't lie to yourself — affirmations only work when they're realistic and true.
- Build every affirmation on a core value, yours or your shop's.
- Before giving constructive feedback, affirm the employee's actual values first — science says they'll receive it far better.
- When your defenses fly up at feedback, ask why: it often reveals how you're seeing yourself.
- Start with yourself — a leader who can self-affirm can teach the whole team to do it.