What is Emotional Labor and Why You Need to Know...
This episode wasn't on the content calendar. Lori had a difficult conversation during the week — the kind that wasn't her fault and wasn't really about her — and it left her so drained she was wide awake at 1:47 a.m. rehashing it. While researching why an interaction like that could zap her so completely, she found a phrase that put words to the feeling: emotional labor. Vonda insisted they record about it right away, because every flower shop owner and every employee behind a counter deals with this, usually without a name for it.
What emotional labor actually is
The term was coined in 1983 by sociologist Arlie Hochschild to describe the work service employees do beyond their physical and mental duties: showing genuine concern for customers' needs, smiling, making positive eye contact — all the things critical to a customer's perception of quality service. When those emotional performances are essential to doing your job, that's emotional labor. And here's the key insight for owners: it costs different people very different amounts. Lori describes herself as happy 97% of the time, so answering the phone with a smile comes naturally. For an employee with a different personality, that same performance drains the tank much faster — and unaddressed, it leads straight to emotional exhaustion and burnout.
Surface acting vs. deep acting
Hochschild breaks the performance into two levels. Surface acting is masking what you feel — the artificial smile and soft tone when a customer marches in angry that her flowers wilted after two days in a house kept at 82 degrees. You know it wasn't your fault, but it's in your business's best interest to tactfully offer a replacement and make it okay — and when she leaves, you're quietly fuming. Deep acting goes further: you work to control your internal emotions and genuinely convince yourself you're enjoying the interaction. That's what Lori found herself doing on her hard phone call — calming her racing heart in the moment, saying "let me check into that" while knowing the other party was in the wrong. It's the rehashing afterward that does the real damage.
How to protect your team
Vonda admits she never trained her shop staff on emotional labor — she'd never heard of it. Her rule was protective instinct: "when you have a customer that's not happy, come get me," so a seventeen-year-old on the counter never had to absorb a no-win situation alone. That buffer still matters. But the hosts agree the better move is education before the blindside happens:
Make it a staff meeting topic. Borrow the idea from corporate sales meetings where someone opens with a five-minute safety tip — spend five minutes before Mother's Day telling your team, "there's a name for what happens when a customer unloads on you, it's called emotional labor, and it's normal." Simply having words for the feeling brings comfort and helps employees recognize it in the moment instead of just feeling mysteriously exhausted.
Then go a step further with role-playing. Pull real scenarios your shop has faced — the flowers that "died in one day," the negative review — and let each employee practice a response out loud. Scripts and rehearsal build the confidence that keeps a surprise complaint from becoming a spiral. And make sure employees debrief with a manager, not just with each other; venting sideways is natural, but it breeds a shop-wide "I hate customers" vibe that drags everyone down.
The review response everyone wishes they could write
The episode closes with a one-star review shared in the members' group — a self-described millionaire complaining a shop's prices were "crazy overpriced" — and the owner's legendary reply: apologizing that the reviewer visited during the "annual everything is overpriced sale," run specifically for out-of-towners who like leaving negative Google reviews, and inviting her back for the "annual gold bar and loose diamond bazaar." Members cheered. Vonda and Lori laughed along with everyone else — while gently acknowledging that most of us should keep that response in our heads, not on Google.
Key takeaways
- Emotional labor — performing calm, warmth, and concern you don't feel — is real work, and it drains some personalities far faster than others.
- Name it for your team before busy season; putting words to the feeling is half the battle against burnout.
- Be the buffer: pull employees out of no-win customer conflicts and give them a minute to recover.
- Role-play your shop's real worst-case scenarios in staff meetings so nobody gets blindsided.
- Route the venting to you or a manager — sideways venting between employees turns into a toxic, drained shop culture.