What is the difference between Observing and Absorbing and Why it Matters!
Some people can notice the world around them and let it go. Others carry every problem home. After a round of post-Christmas icebreakers — featuring a 25-pound hairdryer, a bar of Clinique soap, and a shared hatred of liver — Vonda and Lori dig into an article Vonda sent with a note in all caps: "THIS IS YOU." The topic: the art of observing, not absorbing — and why the difference matters for your peace of mind, your family, and your flower shop.
Where observers and absorbers come from
Vonda traces her observer tendencies straight back to childhood. Her parents had two go-to sayings: "M-Y-O-B — mind your own business," and her dad's blunt "it's not your problem." Loving, caring people, but with clear lines. Lori was raised on the opposite script: a father who always rooted for those who couldn't help themselves, and a mother who taught kindergarten for 37 years. Beautiful qualities — and Lori also watched her big-hearted parents get taken advantage of, with a constantly revolving door of people needing money, meals, or a place to stay.
The result shows up decades later. When a shop owner they barely knew came to Flower Clique with questions the team couldn't answer, Lori still felt compelled to keep hunting for solutions — until Vonda lovingly called it out: you did what you said you'd do; this isn't your job. There's a double engine behind absorbing, Lori admits: the natural high of solving someone's problem, and the subconscious guilt of knowing you could help.
When absorbing is the right call — and when it isn't
The hosts are careful with the line. Some problems you should absorb: Lori is caring for her father right now, and that genuinely is her responsibility — though even there, she points out the difference a team makes, with her spouse and uncle absorbing it alongside her. Her practical trick: write it down. List what directly affects your life, and what — solved or unsolved — won't matter to you a month from now. If you can't do anything about it and it doesn't affect your life, let it float away.
One line from the article stopped Vonda cold: not all people have good intentions toward you, even if they're kind. Empathetic people will meet some users along the way — it comes with the territory — but Lori still believes the overwhelming majority of people in this industry are worth spending time with and helping. The key is knowing how far. "I cannot carry their problem for them," she says. "I can do my best to help them and I can walk alongside them."
The employee who brings you everything
This gets practical fast for shop owners. Lori shares a recent conversation with a soon-to-be Flower Clique member: a talented new designer had started confiding her personal issues to the owner — kind, empathetic, happy to listen — and it became a pattern. The conversations ate up hours, other employees noticed the closed-door meetings and grew resentful, and the problems themselves were unsolvable. People like this often lack the self-awareness to realize what's happening; they think the oversharing is bonding.
The fix is boundaries, set early, with the emotion taken out: "I really hope you can get this resolved. I don't have anything left in my toolbox to help you with this, and these conversations are taking away from what we need to get done." It's hard, and you risk hurt feelings — but recognizing "I'm absorbing this and it's affecting my team" is a sign of emotional maturity, and the quicker you act, the better.
Observe the news; don't let it raise your heart rate
The phrase works everywhere: every article, every Facebook caption, every news channel. Observe it, then move on — because tomorrow there will be a new headline, and no keyboard argument in a Facebook group has ever ended with "oh my gosh, you've changed my mind." Absorbing negativity is physical: it changes your body, spikes your heart rate, wrecks your sleep. There's too much genuinely ours to carry to spend capacity on outrage that won't matter in a month.
And a final reframe on empathy itself, from a quote Lori found: empathy isn't fixing, and it isn't weakness — it's simply understanding. Not "I'll solve this," just "I hear you. Do you mind if I sit with you a little bit?" Or, as the hosts put it: be like Piglet, who just sits with Eeyore. (Though they agree Eeyore could have used a little more help than sitting.)
Key takeaways
- Observing means noticing the world; absorbing means letting it affect you deeply — know which one you're doing.
- Absorb what's truly yours (family, real responsibilities) and build a team to share the weight; release what won't affect your life a month from now.
- Set boundaries early with employees who make you their therapist — kindly, without emotion, before it costs your time and your team's morale.
- Treat news and social media as things to observe, not absorb; your body pays the price when you don't.
- Empathy is understanding, not problem-solving — walking alongside someone beats carrying them.