Episode 7: A Few Laughs for Valentine's Day Stress Relief!
It's Valentine's week — coolers stacked with boxes, designers in overdrive, everyone running on coffee and adrenaline. So this episode isn't a lesson. It's stress relief. Vonda and Lori decided the best thing they could give florists working at midnight is something to laugh at, so Lori collected stories from their Facebook podcast group — craziest card messages, wildest delivery runs — and the hosts added their own. Fair warning from Lori: more than half the submitted card messages couldn't be read on air. As Vonda quotes Robert Frost, if you couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.
The card messages people actually order
What do people think a florist will write on a card for them? Apparently anything. The printable highlights: "Sorry I slept with your sister." A husband's refreshingly direct "I love you. I hope you sleep with me tonight" (his wife's review: at least it was to the point). The domestic classic, "Sorry about not loading the dishwasher this morning." A Mother's Day favorite: "I enjoyed making you a mother." A hedge-your-bets suitor who addressed his card to "either Bree or Brit," couldn't remember which, and included his phone number. And "Happy birthday Sugar Boobs, love Man Bear Husband" — married, thankfully. One bittersweet entry: a card signed "from your only friend," followed by a call from the recipient asking who sent it — because she didn't think she had any.
Do you have to write these? Vonda says it's up to shop policy — some shops will hand the customer the pen: "if you'd like that message, you're welcome to come in and write it yourself."
Al, the two-bouquet customer
Then there's the florist-as-priest side of the job. Vonda tells the story of Al, a big-spending customer who every holiday sent flowers to his wife and his girlfriend, with strict instructions never to mix up the cards. He'd even sneak gifts into Vonda's office to pair with the girlfriend's flowers. The flower shop never slipped — but the store that sold him "the softest bathrobe ever" mailed the receipt to his house, where his wife noted she'd never received any bathrobe. They were still married when Vonda sold the shop. The girlfriend's fate remains unknown.
Delivery driver hall of fame
Vonda collects delivery stories the way other people collect vases, and this episode is full of them. Kenny, the retired cement-plant worker who loved delivering altar flowers to his own church ("now I don't have to go tomorrow"), once fixed a tipped arrangement by scotch-taping the broken carnations back on — and delivered it to the church that way. Another driver delivered a whole route of dozen-rose orders still sitting in their square buckets — bucket and all — and none of the recipients ever returned one. There's the driver chased by an attack rooster, the Doberman that charged out and aggressively licked a driver's face, and the neighbor who called the police on a driver wearing shop-branded everything and driving a fully wrapped van. One driver pulled the sliding door of a ten-year-old van clean off its track at the hospital entrance — he bought a new van the next week. And back at Everts Flower Shop in Ames, Iowa, a driver who was supposed to drop Iowa State dorm deliveries at the campus post office instead spent the entire (pre-cell-phone) day sweet-talking his way into dorm buildings to deliver each bouquet door-to-door. Even the supply chain has stories: Vonda's friend Jeffrey learned his snapdragons missed the plane from South America because the farm's driver got pulled over for a DUI on the way to the airport.
Sandwich boards and sign fails
The episode closes with flower shop chalkboard gold: "Today's special — and so are you." "Come on in and hate us on Yelp, just like Eric L did." "Flower shop employee parking only — all others will be replanted." And Vonda's own marquee mishap: sweet Stephan was supposed to post "Come in and look at our new stuff" but dropped a letter, inviting the whole town to come look at the shop's new staff. At least one customer actually came in to inspect them.
Key takeaways
- Laughter is a legitimate holiday survival tool — build a little of it into the busiest week of the year.
- Set a shop policy for inappropriate card messages: you can always invite the customer to write it themselves.
- What happens at the flower shop stays at the flower shop — discretion is part of the job.
- Communication with delivery drivers matters: be specific, or your buckets (and reputation) ride along.
- Note the weather, staffing, and lessons learned each Valentine's Day — future you will thank you.
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Sponsored by:
Flower Clique
Flower Clique Prep School
Real Life Retail Florist